


Nightmares

by Stonebaer



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, Default Shepard (Mass Effect), F/F, Homophobia, Lesbian Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spacer (Mass Effect), Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-22 21:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonebaer/pseuds/Stonebaer
Summary: Admiral Hannah Shepard finds the time to go visit her daughter. Their relationship has been strained for years now but it's about to change dramatically when the elder Shepard stumbles upon her child in the embrace of an asari maiden. Old wounds and mistakes are called back to light and mother and daughter have to learn how to talk to each other with Liara's help. This story takes place during the events of Mass Effect 3.





	Nightmares

Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard was finally able to find her daughter. It was pure luck that in this war the Normandy was having a brief shore leave on the Citadel at the same time as her formal visit to the intergalactic station. In the whole madness the admiral did everything in her power to spare a moment and go see her child. Their last meeting was almost a year ago, which was unacceptable. And worse, both their lives were on the front line of this war. She had to see Jane at every opportunity or risk being faced with an unbearable regret if the worst were to happen.

When Hannah entered the Normandy in the late morning, it was almost empty, the rank and file scattered across the Citadel. She quietly crossed the bridge and took the elevator up to the captain’s quarters. The ride was slow and she mused about what to say. She loved her daughter as strongly as any mother, but their relationship was definitely strained, for reasons mostly too old to matter anymore. Stupid pride, they had to fix this. Determined, the admiral exited the lift and entered the only cabin on this floor. A couple steps in and she halted abruptly, wordlessly surprised by a completely unexpected sight.

The room was nice and big for quarters on a military ship, even the commanding officer’s. It was split in two – the first part was an office and down the few stairs farther away from the entrance, the second part was meant as living space. On the bed there her child was sleeping sprawled on her back, wearing a baggy T-shirt and only her underwear boxers. Lying atop her was a naked asari, her head resting on Jane’s shoulder, under her chin. Her torso was half over the human’s, leaving her bare back exposed, her arm was draped across Shepard’s stomach possessively, the hand going under the T-shirt. For her part, Jane had one arm embracing the asari over her back protectively and the other holding the blue one over her abdomen. Their legs were intertwined closely, the sheets twisted around them like a rope, only just covering the asari’s backside. The two were clearly sleeping deeply, undisturbed by the unannounced entrance. They seemed so serene in that moment, Hannah thought she should come back later. But it only lasted so long. The picture was broken when her daughter’s face adopted a deep frown. Her form began wiggling weakly and a dreadful wheeze sounded from her. In an instant she was having trouble breathing, as if there was no air in the room, and her hand blindly searched for her throat. The small but distressed movements and sounds roused the asari who immediately looked up at Shepard, completely missing the woman in uniform, standing atop the stairs, watching quietly. Her blue hand escaped the T-shirt and went over the human’s chest, the palm rubbing slightly.

“Jane. Jane, wake up.”

Unhearing, the commander sharply twisted her head to the side, still struggling in her dream.

“Please, wake up! Jane!” The asari’s voice became increasingly desperate, until finally the human woke up with a jolt, panting, disoriented.

“Shh, it was just a nightmare. You are alive, with me, here in your quarters. We are safe.”

The asari caressed the red hair in a calming gesture. Shepard swallowed hard and rasped.

“Liara.” She covered her face with her hand and sighed. “Sorry, sorry.”

Jane released her hold on the asari and turned to the side, showing the blue woman her back.

“Are you alright?” Liara asked concerned.

“I’ll be fine. Just give me a moment.” She made a halting sign with her hand, then rummaged through her nightstand nervously. “Where’re those fucking… Should ask Chakwas… finally!”

Grabbing a pill container, Jane slammed the drawer. But before she could open it and take some, she bent into herself, bared her teeth and squeezed her eyes as if very nauseous. Liara placed a hand on the back of her shoulder and leaned over her.

“Jane…”

“I said give me a moment!”

The human brushed her off angrily, obviously more at herself than at the asari. She managed to swallow a pill at last and left the bottle on the stand. It cleared her mind a bit and she felt the body behind her pulling on the sheets. She turned to look at Liara, who was frantically trying to cover her naked frame, and on the way saw the reason for this. Her mother, unnoticed by either of them until now, was watching them from her spot next to the fish tank, just a couple metres away.

“Mom.” She said evenly.

“Good morning.” The woman answered a bit stiffly.

Her daughter left the bed.

“Can you… uh turn around…” She nodded meaningfully at the asari’s direction.

“Right. Sure.” Hannah pursed her lips and did so. Behind her a storm of rustling sounds and hushed words raged on. She took a few seconds to skim the office section with her eyes to give them time.

“Is it safe now?”

“Yeah.”

She faced them once more. The asari was now standing near the other side of the bed, dressed in big shirt and track suit pants that suspiciously seemed to not belong to her.

“What are you doing here, mom?” From the opposite side of the bed Jane looked at her mother questioningly.

“Is it so surprising that I’ve come to see my only child?”

“Yes, it is. All things considered.”

A flash of pain appeared in the admiral’s expression, but she schooled it immediately. The asari caught it though and gestured at her commander, trying to intervene peacefully.

“Shepard…”

The red-head glanced her way then sighed heavily. Liara shot her a meaningful look and she finally consented.

“Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard, commanding officer of the Kilimanjaro. And my mother.”

She turned to the woman in question.

“Mom, this is Dr. Liara T’Soni, archaeologist. And part of my crew.”

“I can see that.”

Jane shot her a glare, but Liara was faster to speak.

“I am honoured to finally make your acquaintance, Admiral Shepard.”

“I suppose I should consider this a privilege. After all, who am I that my daughter would introduce me to her …friends.”

“Cut the crap. It’s been pretty long since you were interested in me. You’ve always been too busy taking care of your career, rather than your child.”

“Shepard, that is no way to talk to your own mother!” The maiden was shocked.

“That’s the truth, Liara. I spent my childhood dragged from ship to ship. And the more I grew up, the more she grew in rank,” She pointed at the admiral accusatory, without moving her gaze from the asari. “… the less we saw each other. By the time I was a teenager we barely spoke, we had practically become blood related strangers.”

Liara was about to protest, but Hannah was quicker.

“And that is obviously my biggest mistake seeing as who you are in bed with.”

“Don’t bring Liara into this.” Jane responded sharply.

“She’s already part of it. And on that note I want an explanation as to why there is a naked …alien in your bedroom.” Hannah looked with disdain at the maiden.

“God, this is ridiculous! I’m trying to bring every species in this fucked up galaxy together, working as a team, and my own mother preaches hatred for ‘aliens’. Why am I even surprised?” Shepard placed her hands on her hips and shook her head with a sigh.

“I’m not preaching anything. I learned the hard truth during The First Contact War but I haven’t been able to make you see it, apparently.”

“You sound like a Terra Firma activist.” There was disgust in Jane’s words.

“I don’t care how I sound. I might have accepted the fact that you sleep with an alien. But a woman, Jane? That’s just adding insult to injury.”

“Ah, but of course. No way we’re getting through this without a healthy dose of homophobia.”

“Don’t start that bullshit, I’ve heard it before: _‘But, mom, this is true love! You don’t understand!’_ When will you get it out of your head? You are just deluding yourself.”

“It’s not me who’s delusional. You are so stuck in your rigid beliefs that you can’t even see what’s right in front of your eyes. You could never swallow that pride of yours and accept things as they are. And I have long since stopped hoping to change this.”

Liara could not stand this any longer and intervened.

“Please, stop-”

“You are out of line, asari. But it shouldn’t surprise me …all so haughty and condescending, expecting everyone to defer to you for their problems. And that thing you call ‘melding’? You are the reason my daughter’s out of her mind!” The admiral’s words were filled with poison.

In a split second Jane was protecting the maiden with her own body and glaring daggers at her mother.

“You are walking on thin ice, Hannah. Say whatever you want about me but don’t ever talk to Liara like that again. Especially in front of me.” The red-head spoke quietly, coldly, the threat clearer than anything else.

“You just proved me right. There’s no way my own child would threaten me like that if not under the influence of alien tricks.”

It was pure luck that Liara caught Jane physically tensing in the corner of her eye. She stopped the commander in her tracks with biotics before the young woman did something regrettable.

“Release me, Liara. Now.” Shepard was still speaking lowly, so furious that she was beyond shouting.

“No, not before you calm down.” The maiden was just as firm.

“She spills insults at you in my presence and you want me to do nothing?! Just listen to her! She barely sees you as a sentient being let alone a person deserving respect like her.”

“She is your mother, Shepard. Your only remaining family. And only you can change her mind, make her understand how you see the world. But this cannot happen while you argue and attack each other.”

Jane was still figuratively puffing through her nostrils but she did not counter her lover. And when the biotic power subsided, she remained where she was.

Confident that her bondmate was not going to jump her own mother, Liara turned to the woman in question. Hannah had not said anything since her last bitter remark which triggered her daughter. She seemed stunned by what had just happened, unable to comprehend how and when their relationship had degraded so much that her child was left with no other way to communicate what she was thinking to her mother. And somewhere deep inside Hannah knew it was her fault. Liara was now looking at her calmly and without any judgement unlike her own behaviour towards the asari.

“Admiral, I understand that you do not approve of me nor of my connection to Shepard. But for her sake and your own please, try to listen to what your daughter has to say. You already buried her once. No other parent is offered a second chance the way you are. Please, do not pass on it. Not in a time like this when the whole of existence is threatened with annihilation.”

Silence fell in the room and the tension began growing. Until Hannah broke it.

“As much as I dislike it I have to admit you are right… Miss T’Soni.” The elder human sighed.

“Doc-” Shepard immediately tried to correct her but a sharp squeeze of her shoulder stopped her. She turned to see Liara shaking her head quietly. Now was not the moment for snarky corrections.

“I appreciate this, admiral. Perhaps it would be best if I leave and give you two some space and time to talk.”

Before the maiden could make a step, Jane grabbed her hand with her own and held it gently but firmly.

“No, stay. I can’t do this without you. And I want her to see us together, not just hear from me. Maybe then she will understand.”

The maiden nodded slightly.

“So… what now?” The admiral asked.

Shepard sighed but then waved her over.

“Take a seat on the couch. I’ll get some whiskey. No need for this to happen while we stand and stare at each other like statues.”

“Now you’re talking.” Hannah said and sat down while her daughter produced a bottle and three glasses from the nightstand. “You know, this is breaking regulations and I’m a superior officer. I should be reprimanding you, not making you company.”

“Pfff… that’d be the day.” Jane poured some of the amber liquid in each glass.

The admiral took a sip then examined the alcohol.

“Not bad. Not bad at all. But your old hag here can do better. Being an admiral has its perks. My personal stash back on the Kilimanjaro would blow this away.”

“Brag all you want. You haven’t seen what else I’m hiding. Having spectre status is way much better than admiralty when it comes to getting your hands on rare stuff.”

“Well, now I’m curious.”

“Bet you are.” Shepard finally settled on the couch next to her lover, keeping close, while her mother was on the other part of the L-shaped furniture.

The banter then ran out and uncomfortable silence filled the room. Liara wanted to hold Jane’s hand for support but restrained the urge for the admiral’s sake. In her mind it was too early for such a show of intimacy. Shepard however thought otherwise. She took the small gentle blue hand in her own and held it atop her bare thigh, her thumb constantly brushing lightly. If her mother was to understand and get used to things, she must not be spared.

“Okay… I’ll start.” Hannah saw the gesture clearly. Her daughter never did things half-heartedly. ‘At least that’s familiar’, she thought as she took another sip for courage. “Despite you probably thinking otherwise, I actually know that you had several relationships with women. I just did my best to ignore the fact.”

“Why?”

“I just thought you were fooling around at first. But then you continued to hook up with girls and I simply didn’t understand why you would do that. To tell you the truth, I still don’t.”

“Didn’t it ever cross your mind that I might actually be sexually attracted to women? * _sigh_ * I guess I have to say it out loud: Yes, it’s true. I like women. And only women. Men have never done it for me. In fact, I find them gross in many ways. You would’ve known this if you made the effort to talk to me.”

“Well, I can’t say this isn’t deserved. When did you first…?”

“Find out I was sexually attracted to women?”

“Do you have to say it so clearly every time?”

“Right now? Yes. It’s not something to be ashamed about, mom. And to answer your question: I found out when I was a teenager. Even if I didn’t have any long-lasting friendships, I still picked up that other kids were watching porn and making out in the corner. So, of course, I tried to do the same. You can imagine how that ended up. It was hard back then, I felt alone, more alone than I already was. I met with a small number of people to begin with. What was the chance any of the girls were like me, not to mention that that would not automatically mean we are attracted to each other? Contrary to popular belief, homosexual people don’t like every person from the same sex, just as straight people don’t like every person from the opposite sex. And even if I managed to meet another girl and start a relationship, it would’ve been doomed form the beginning because we constantly changed ships. Those were the thoughts running in my mind back then, keeping me awake late at night. And I sure as hell could’ve used some motherly support. But no, you were always ‘on duty’.”

“I guess it’s time I finally own up to my mistakes when it comes to you. I was the responsible adult and yet I didn’t make the effort to actually give you the attention you needed. I thought that as long as you had food, a roof over your head and a bed, I had taken care of everything. Turns out it’s not that simple to raise a child. Well, I hope it’s not too late to try and understand you now.”

“There’s one good thing about the fact you’re so late: I have had the time to figure things out and settle myself. Which could probably make things easier to explain.”

“Ouch, that blunt. You won’t give without biting back. Suppose I had it coming. So… what was it like when you finally began having romantic relationships?”

“Hah. What do you think? Attraction is attraction, love is love. They don’t take gender into account. I learned how good it can be to have someone care for you and you to care for them. How much it hurt when your feelings were betrayed. And that sex could have nothing to do with love and vice versa. Being homosexual does not mean you play a different game, the same rules of attraction apply to us as well.”

“And what does it actually mean to be sexually attracted to women?”

“You’re seriously asking me that?! Mom, what does it mean to be attracted to men? Whomever the subject of your desire, you usually like them for a complex of reasons ranging from personality traits to physical attributes. And you can’t control what stimuli raise your libido, you can just find out. It’s that simple.”

“Well, knowing is not understanding. But one doesn’t need to understand something in order to accept it. So, I’m going to try to do just that and hope that someday I reach understanding, too.”

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear something similar from you ever since I found out I was gay.”

Hannah smiled lightly for the first time since she entered the cabin.

“I just… Well, I guess I have to come to terms with the fact I won’t be having grandchildren.”

“That’s not actually true. Liara is an asari and they can have children with anyone, regardless of race or gender.”

“It’s not the same. They would always be asari.”

“What does it matter? Parental love doesn’t require blood relations or physical similarity. And having those does not guarantee the existence of parental love.”

The admiral did not say anything.

“Is this because of the alien thing? Look, mom. I can’t make you like other races with the snap of my fingers. But I can tell you something that was said to me years ago and that I experienced on my own shoulders. Aliens are human. They’re not different or special, they’re jerks and saints, just like us.”

“Who told you that?” Hannah was genuinely curious.

“An old friend, very dear to me. Kaidan Alenko. He was part of my crew on the original Normandy. He died on Vermire. The point is: aliens are individuals just as we humans are. You can’t label a whole race with a single definition or stereotype. Some people are good, some people are bad, others have good intentions but choose the wrong actions and there are even those who hide darkness inside yet do the right things. And all of them you can find in every race. As commander of the Normandy I’ve had all kinds of people from various races serve under me. Each and every one of them was and is different in a unique way. But we all share that ‘humanity’ – the capacity to be both good and bad, saints and jerks.”

The admiral needed some time before she had something to say.

“I don’t know… Those things can’t change overnight. And maybe I’m too old to change my beliefs, especially after having lived through The War.”

“Mom, have you even tried to actually talk with someone who’s not human? Get to know them?” The answer to that was clear and Jane shook her head. She then stood briskly and switched places with Liara, pushing her closer to her mother. “Here. Now’s the perfect time to do it. And with who batter than with your own kid’s partner?”

Awkward silence fell around them as Hannah and Liara watched each other, unsure of what to say. At last, the maiden mustered enough courage.

“I suppose this is very …strange for you, admiral. But ask whatever you like and I will try to be as open, honest and patient as possible.”

The elder human cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“Okay… How do you prefer I call you?”

“Liara is just fine.”

“That’s good, good. And you can call me Hannah.” A pause and a pensive look before: “How old are you? Or is this rude to ask among your people?”

“No, it is not. I am 109.” Liara wondered if she perhaps had to elaborate on asari development stages and length of lifespan. But in the end her nervousness made her stay quiet.

“Right. Extremely long-lived. It’s just weird that my daughter’s …partner is literary two times my own age. Is this even old for asari? Like… can you say how much is this in human terms?”

“You mean as in what stage of maturity? Well, at 109 an asari is just out of puberty, so I would say that if I were a human I would have been no older than 18-19 years.”

“What?! Jane!” The admiral aimed an unbelieving frown at her child. “She’s just a kid and you’ve dragged her to fight a war?! And you have sexual relationship with her?! Is this even legal? Do her parents know about any of this?”

At that everyone started talking simultaneously.

“Legal? I do not understand…” Liara was confused.

“Jane Shepard, I demand an answer right now!” Her mother said undignified.

“Wait, wait. Calm down. Just calm down, you two! There’s an explanation for everything.” The commander smiled condescendingly and shook her head. “First of, mom, Liara may be very young by asari standards but she has full authority to take decisions for herself even among her people. I tried to dissuade her back when we were chasing Saren but she wouldn’t budge, said she had to fight with us to take him down and that was it.”

“It’s not that simple, Jane! You know as well as I do that it’s a crime to let children fight even by galactic law. It was your responsibility to stop her.”

Liara was starting to understand, albeit partially.

“Hannah, perhaps I have to clarify. I am not a child. I may still barely be considered an adult among my people but, as Shepard told you, I can decide for myself and others have to respect my decisions.”

“But-”

“Mom, mom, listen. Asari don’t have an exact age when they become majors. And they’re not so strict when it comes to guardianship as we humans are.”

“But don’t her parents have anything to say about any of this?”

“It’s not that simple…” Jane said at the same time Liara spoke.

“What are you talking about? Why do parents have anything to do with this?”

“Okay. Hold it. Let me explain to both of you. And don’t interrupt me or we’re not getting anywhere.” The admiral and the maiden both nodded. “Good. Where to begin… Liara, you know humans have a bit stricter society than asari, not as many rules as turians, but still. So, we have laws regarding human rights and autonomy which are divided in two based on age. The first part is about adults and the second – for children. Basically, children are considered unfit to carry responsibility for themselves until a certain age. They first have to become mentally and physically mature enough and until that happens their parents are legally responsible for them. Parents make any important administrative and legal decisions for their kids. For example, if a child commits a crime, it’s their parents who get sued. And if a child’s both parents are gone, the respective authorities appoint a legal guardian to take on that responsibility until the child comes of age. The dividing line between childhood and adulthood is placed either at 18 or 21 years depending on which part of Earth you come from. My mother here is used to children being children until they turn 21. So, when you told her you’re like an 18-19-year-old human she freaked out, thinking I’m taking advantage of an unsuspecting minor without their parents’ consent which is a crime.”

“I see.”

“So, mom, you have nothing to worry about. Liara decided to join my crew of her own free will.”

“Right. And when do asari actually become majors?” Hannah’s eyes were still narrowed with suspicion.

“Well, there is such a thing only in galactic laws.” The maiden finally had a better grasp of what was going on. “For the purpose of facilitating interspecies relations The Galactic Law stipulates that asari enter adulthood at the age of 50 when their physical development is complete.”

“Alright, I get it. But just to be sure… What about sexual relationships?”

“Again, the same thing applies. She’s of age. We’re both consenting adults.” Jane answered steadily.

“If I may…?” Liara looked at Shepard, a question on her face. “Are sexual relationships treated in a specific way by human laws?”

“I guess… Compared to asari – certainly. You already know we aren’t as open or casual about sex as your people. Majors can participate in whatever sexual practices they like, no regulations there. The only criminalized act is sexual assault over a non-consenting person, rape in other words. It’s a bit more complicated with minors, however. They absolutely can be sexually active but it has to be with their parents’ consent who also have to be aware of all persons involved. This is so because it’s illegal for an adult to have sexual relationship with a child. It’s considered a crime and the adult can be accused of paedophilia and sexual assault.”

“Why? What is paedophilia?” Liara asked genuinely.

“Hah! Now you got yourself in deep.” The admiral laughed.

“Very funny, mom, very funny.” Jane pouted at her mother then turned to her lover. “I’ll give you the long version some other time if you want. For now, just know that both charges have to do with the adult taking advantage of the child who’s not mature enough to understand what they’re doing. Which is because sex is considered mainly an adult thing in human society that can pervert and harm children and strip them of their innocence before the appointed time. It’s complicated.”

“Okay. I got the basics. But you are not getting away. I want a more detailed explanation later.” Liara said.

Jane sighed heavily then turned to her mother.

“When did you become so concerned about Liara’s wellbeing? Just a few minutes ago you were accusing her of brainwashing me.”

“Well, I’m not that heartless as to turn a blind eye when even a non-human child is at risk.”

“Riiight… But you did get the part where she’s an adult actually, didn’t you?”

“Oh, won’t you drop it?!” It was Hannah’s turn to pout. Though she had to admit that in course of the past few minutes the way she viewed the blue woman had shifted pretty rapidly. Despite her being of an alien species the asari’s whole behaviour really resembled that of humans. The gestures, facial expressions, reactions were all familiar to the elder Shepard. Thanks to that she was able to concentrate on Liara’s personality in particular instead of being overwhelmed by trying to figure out what the asari woman meant in general. And Hannah was nothing if not observant, it was how she got to be an admiral after all. She quickly caught on Liara’s innate curiosity and shyness as well as her innocence. The admiral wondered if she was nervous because of the current situation or if it was a common state for her due to her shy nature. But right now something else nudged Hannah more.

“Anyway… You did mention that grandchildren are not out of the question actually. Does that mean you two are...?”

“What?! Well… yes? But- no, no.” Jane’s expression was dumbfounded and she blushed furiously.

“Goddess! Not- I mean…. Perhaps?” Liara too seemed greatly embarrassed if the darkening of her cheeks was considered blushing.

It was funny how they both stumbled and stuttered, talking over each other. And Hannah laughed. Yet she had not gotten a clear answer.

“So…? Am I to assume… something?”

Seeing that Shepard was not getting any better and probably would make things worse if left to answer her mother, the maiden used all her will to compose herself and looked at the admiral seriously, though her nervousness still showed.

“Well, we have discussed the possibility of having children. Once. And only briefly. I am not actually sure if She- I mean Jane was serious and not just fooling around with me.”

“I would never mess with you about such a thing. And if you mean that time before the Collector Base, then yes. I was absolutely serious.” Shepard and Liara were now gazing at each other. “I-I… I want to have kids with you, Liara. It would make me the happiest person in the galaxy.

The maiden was left speechless. She covered her mouth with her palm and her eyes watered. It took her a few moments but then she lowered her hand and entwined her fingers with Jane’s.

“Oh…” It was more a happy sigh than anything but the asari was unable to say a single word more.

Shepard squeezed her hand but then became wistful.

“But it will have to wait. With the Reapers out there and us in the centre of it… It would be irresponsible to bring a child into the world now.”

“Yes, you are right. Of course.” Even so, Liara briskly brushed the tears that fell down her cheeks.

During that intimate exchange Hannah felt like an intruder. Yet Jane had said she wanted her mother to see them. And it had worked. Whatever her convictions, Hannah Shepard could not deny what was in front of her eyes at that moment. She had not seen her child so emotional, open and vulnerable since Jane was very little. It took more than simple infatuation to bring that out in a person, especially in her daughter. Jane was a very private person to begin with (and now Hannah knew why) and on top of that she was also a hardened spec-ops soldier. So the admiral had to admit that maybe her kid really was in love. In fact, very, very deeply in love. And if the asari’s reaction to Jane’s admission was any indication, then Liara too loved her daughter. The admiral smiled at the couple from her spot on the couch. In the end, if her child was happy, it did not matter who made it so. Hannah was just grateful.

“I was not the best mother, not even close. And I regret it more than you can imagine. Yet, despite this, you have become a good person. I was just too blind to see it until now, to see anything about you. I was there with you most of the time but I was never there for you. The truth is you’re all that I have left and I love you more than anything in my life. I just don’t know how to show it to you. It’s supposed to be simple, I’m your mother after all, but… Well, I don’t know what else to say except: I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry, Jane.” Hannah looked down at her lap where her hands were fiddling anxiously.

Shepard looked at her mother quietly for a while. Then she seamlessly switched places with Liara and bent forward a bid to take the older woman’s hands in her own.

“Mom. I don’t know if I can just forget and forgive everything that has transpired between us in the past. But it _is_ in the past. And it means a lot to me that you understand what has happened and, to be honest, I share the blame with you equally. You did mistakes and were too afraid to act but I simply gave up on our relationship. So, I think that we both need a clean slate and the chance and time to heal and forgive each other. It’s not too late, I’m sure we can figure out how to be a good mother and daughter.”

Hannah gazed at her child with an emotional trembling smile.

“If you’re game, then I am, too.”

The admiral reached out and the two of them embraced tightly. The older woman held her daughter desperately and spoke with a breathy intensity.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, mom.”

Liara on the side watched them with a happy small smile. In these bleakest of times every bit of joy was welcomed and the strong feelings between parent and child could be all that a person needed to persevere.

As the two humans separated, Hannah’s gaze passed by the nightstand behind her kid’s back. There she saw the pill container and suddenly remembered how her visit here had begun. Her face adopted a worried expression. She knew the subtle dangers of being a soldier all too well. They could bring you to your fall without you even catching wind of it.

“Jane… How are you?”

“You serious?! How could I be after getting on good terms with my mother? Of course I’m great.” The red-head smiled but quizzically.

“Yes, me too. But that’s not what I meant. We’re at war and you command the most important ship. It would be too much for almost anyone.”

Shepard followed Hannah’s meaningful look to the pills on the nightstand.

“I’m fine.” She grunted and stubbornly stared at the fish tank.

“Jane, please. Look who you’re talking to. I’ve been a soldier for a lot longer than you. You can’t fool me. And that’s without even mentioning that you woke up from your dream struggling for breath when I entered.”

“What do you want me to say, mom? That I have nightmares? That I have PTSD like nobody’s business? Yeah, I do. It’s nothing new. Why dwell on it?”

“What does your medic say?”

“That we’re doing everything we can about it right now. With the war raging the best there’s to be done is keeping it under control as much as possible and hope it won’t get worse. Let’s leave it at that, shall we?” The commander was getting irritated.

“It’s that bad, huh? Jane, how long have you been like this?”

“Mom. Just drop it, okay?”

“Jane, how long?” Hannah insisted. It seemed she would not budge and her daughter sighed with frustration.

“…Since Cerberus brought me back. I was getting better during my time under custody but with the Reapers’ arrival...”

Shepard shook her head and sighed again, then she left the couch and turned her back on the other two women. Hannah watched her. Despite their cracked relationship, she still knew her daughter well enough. She knew the young woman would not say anything else on the subject. So, the admiral looked to what had to be the next best source of information. The asari lowered her head and spoke without meeting Hannah’s eyes.

“We have found a way to… make it a bit easier for her. It is enough to get at least a few hours of undisturbed rest. The medication also helps.” Liara said quietly.

“We’re all fighting. Not just me, mom. It’s not fair to fuss over my ‘disturbed sleep’ while out there, millions are dying by the hour.” Jane was still facing the fish tank.

“And when you’re dragged under how are you going to stop their deaths? You know as well as I do that you must take care of yourself first if you’re to help others.” Hannah looked intently at her child’s back.

“Yeah, I do. I’m not gonna let that happen. I know that if not for the war I would’ve been declared unfit for duty. But right now I can’t afford to take medical leave. We need every able-bodied soul fighting to win this. So, if I’m breathing, I’m working.” Shepard had faced her mother once more and her words had a finality to them.

“I just want to know that you’re not neglecting yourself. You can’t stop me from worrying for you. Despite everything I’m still your mother.”

“Well, no chance of that happening. Even if I neglect myself, Liara here doesn’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure she and Dr. Chakwas have secretly made a pact to monitor my every waking and sleeping moment and they descent upon me like mother hens the second there’s something even slightly out of the ordinary.”

The admiral looked at Liara.

“I’m glad there’s someone looking after her. God knows I haven’t been there when she needed it.” She then turned to her daughter. “But this is going to change. I promise you. Whatever it is, don’t hesitate to call me. And I will be in touch regularly. Right now we might not be able to see each other face to face for some time to come but that doesn’t mean we’ll continue to be blood related strangers.” Hannah stood and took her kid by the shoulders. “You hear me, Jane?”

“I hear you, mom.” Shepard smiled and the two embraced once more. After they separated the older woman spoke.

“Okay, I have to be going now. My adjutant is probably waiting and puffing impatiently outside the entrance hatch, ready to pour a hundred things that ‘can’t wait’ over my head.”

“I know how that can be. You’re here to talk to Udina, no?”

“Yes. I guess when neither Anderson nor Hackett can do it, I’m the next best option there is. Don’t ask me why, I have no clue. It’s beyond me why they had to send a busy as hell high ranking officer instead of a military attaché.”

“Udina is an ass. I bet the Alliance doesn’t have a single attaché capable of handling him. They needed the big guns.”

“Well, I hope it pays off. My XO must be feeling the pressure by now.”

Hannah then turned to Dr. T’Soni who extended a hand at her. The admiral took it in both of hers and shook it warmly.

“I owe you an apology, Liara. My behaviour towards you was completely undeserved. I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me. And I thank you for everything you’re doing for Jane. I guess… she’s lucky to have you.”

“You are welcome, admiral. And thank you, I try to do my best to look after her. Also, do not worry about having offended me. I understand it must be difficult for you that your child is with a non-human. Especially when you have fought in The First Contact War. But I hope we can work this out. I will give it my all.”

“Me too, Liara. And call me Hannah, remember?”

The maiden nodded and the admiral did, too. Then Hannah took a step back and looked at them both.

“Try to stay safe, both of you. And I’ll be calling again soon to check on you. Goodbye.”

Liara smiled and Jane raised a hand in a farewell gesture. Then the elder human left and the two of them were alone.

“Well, that came out of the blue.” Shepard said, gazing at the door with a somewhat stunned expression.

“Out of the blue?” Liara raised a brow.

“Hah. It means ‘unexpected’.” The soldier faced her partner and put her hands on the asari’s hips to pull her closer. Then said with a contented smile. “Thank you, my love. Without you this morning would’ve taken a turn for the worse very quickly.”

The red-head bent down and the two lovers kissed deeply.


End file.
